It's about to get really open here. I've thought about posting this for a while now, and finally decided that someone out there needed to hear this.
Sometimes I feel Worthless
Like I should just give up on this dream and start searching for a real job. I want to believe that is I just keep writing, something will break, but it never does. And when I think about the future all I see is uncertainty.
God Promises to Provide
He tells me that He has a plan for me, but I'm not seeing it. It's like I'm being attacked from all sides and I'm trying to get into His fortress, but I can't. And that makes me feel even more like a failure because I can't even put my trust in Him.
Everyone Else seems to have it together.
It's like hiking to a waterfall except you have no idea how far it is. Everyone is telling you that it's amazing, but you've been walking for days and all you've seen are trees. Your legs are burning , you're running out of food, and you just want to stop and lay down. But you keep seeing these pretty pictures on your Instagram feed and you catch a glimpse of something beautiful every once in a while, so you want to keep walking.
If only those people could tell you how far you have left to go.
Questions for God when I'm Lost
If I fire this client, does that mean that I'm giving up or that I'm making room for something more?
How do I know which way to go?
Am I just a failure?
How long do I keep pressing forward with no idea if I'm moving in the right direction?
How do I know if these discouragements are signs from You or Satan trying to keep me down?
How do I hear from You so that I know what You have for me?
Why is it that just as the sun starts to peak through after the flood, you get hit by a bus?
Are there any answers?
Be Still and Know.
I don't have all the answers. I never will. But I do know that God is with me. He never fails. And that, if I keep following Him, He will lead me somewhere great and probably completely unexpected. So I'm choosing to keep going. I'm choosing to have faith through the doubt. I'm choosing to know.