Navigating Sticky Situations with Intention
In this episode of "Process to Profitability," I had the pleasure of speaking with Michelle Whyte, an expert in business etiquette and building authentic connections. Michelle shared valuable insights on how entrepreneurs can navigate challenging collaborations and maintain their brand reputation. We discussed the importance of addressing behavior rather than blaming the person involved, separating facts from feelings, and finding win-win solutions. Michelle emphasized the need to protect and advocate for our businesses while maintaining calmness and consideration in difficult conversations. She offered practical tips on handling sticky situations, such as taking a moment to honor our feelings before responding and addressing issues privately. It was a thought-provoking conversation that left us empowered to handle difficult collaborations with grace and professionalism.
Timestamps:
[00:01:31]Meet Michelle
[00:03:51] Michelle's transition from wedding planning to working with entrepreneurs
[00:04:23] Doing business is social
[00:07:06] Navigating sticky situations in your business
[00:08:39] Why challenging situations in business so hard to navigate
[00:10:38] Separating fact from feelings in dealing with challenging situations
[00:15:16] Your response will cement your business reputation
[00:16:06] How to craft a response to a challenging situation
[00:22:37] Composing your response
[00:26:49] Don't make assumptions about someone else
[00:29:23] Connect with Michelle
Key Topics:
Handling difficult situations in your business with grace
Applying social skills to business relationships for success
Importance of addressing behavior, not blaming the person involved
Setting boundaries and negotiating win-win solutions
Taking social situations offline to minimize miscommunications
Using email for basic information and video chats for complex discussions
Prioritizing facts over feelings for effective problem-solving.
Resources:
[00:00:00] Samantha Mabe: If you've ever felt like you want some kind of handbook for navigating all of the sticky situations that come up in business, today's episode is going to be a great one for you. I am talking with my friend Michelle Whyte, who is helping entrepreneurs, and especially online entrepreneurs, build up etiquette in their businesses so that they can grow through relationships and navigate all of the complicated things that come up when you are running a business and dealing with clients and customers and having an online presence.
[00:00:41] Michelle Whyte is the empress of etiquette, specializing in curating meaningful experiences that bring people together, fostering authentic connections, and celebrating the beauty of human interaction. She is using her 18 years of hospitality and event planning, along with her business etiquette expertise to elevate the intention behind gathering people together for more memorable and meaningful experiences. Whether it's through event planning, nurturing interpersonal bonds, or mentoring entrepreneurs, Michelle's passion lies in creating spaces where people can connect, communicate, and carry themselves with more ease and authenticity.
[00:01:21] Hi Michelle. Thanks for joining me today.
[00:01:24] Michelle Whyte: Hey, Samantha. I'm delighted to be here and I have been really looking forward to having this conversation with you.
Meet Michelle
[00:01:31] Samantha Mabe: We listened to your official bio in the introduction, but can you tell us more about your business journey and how you got to what you're doing today as a business owner working with people?
[00:01:45] Michelle Whyte: Ooh, how long do we have? My goodness. I think it's important to know that I'm a military spouse, and so very early into my marriage, I pretty much knew I was gonna be an entrepreneur. So I've been an entrepreneur for the last 19 years. I needed a business that could be as flexible as my lifestyle needed to be. So I can pick up and move in two years, I can pick up and move in four years, I can pick up and move in 10 years. So I've got a bit of unpredictability with that.
[00:02:15] My journey started out as a wedding and event planner. I was the new kid on the block. I didn't know anybody in a new town, and I had to figure out how to gain some traction. And so I didn't have the advertising dollars. I didn't have the referral partners to be able to vouch for me. I didn't have the client work in the particular town, and it was like, what in the world am I gonna do?
[00:02:39] And so I took a breath and I took a beat and I thought about it and it was just like, relationships are what I know how to build. So how can I make myself stand out? How can I make myself memorable? That was where I put my focus and it worked. Asking questions in different ways, being genuine about my willingness to work for opportunities and earn their trust really set me apart from everyone else who was just gimme, gimme, gimme at that time.
[00:03:08] And so it's worked and it's sustained my business over time. Using etiquette as a business strategy is what really helped me not only save dollars in terms of advertising and marketing with big box like marketing management. It's one of those things that I didn't have that money to spend and so I used what I had and what I knew that I could do well to connect with people and really start to bring in recurring revenue in a way that I wasn't putting an output.
[00:03:39] So working with entrepreneurs to really raise their reputation and relationships without feeling fake or phony is what I specialize in.
Michelle's transition from wedding planning to working with entrepreneurs
[00:03:51] Samantha Mabe: Why did you decide to make the transition from being a wedding planner into focusing more on etiquette for entrepreneurs?
[00:04:00] Michelle Whyte: I found that as I went along in business that this was the thing that people continued to struggle with. Being social and the job and the direction that I chose came naturally to me. It was a thing that I had to work at and work with daily. Working with different businesses, working with different families, different backgrounds, I have always been in the people management business.
Doing business is social
[00:04:23] Michelle Whyte: When I get with my entrepreneur friends and networking and that type of thing, this is the part that they really struggle with. We tend to focus a lot on trying to make our businesses very predictable. And people are not predictable. And so I find that we measure our successes by taking that leap to jump into entrepreneurship, to get our marketing up and running, to build a clientele. But we then don't have the social skills to really sustain the people parts, which is the fuel for all our business. Doing business is social. Everywhere you turn in your business, there is a person as a gatekeeper to what you want next.
[00:05:06] And so I found that entrepreneurs just like me were struggling at a thing that I seem to have a lot of experience and be somewhat gifted at. And it was just like, it's time to provide that. We don't have an HR department, right? Deborah's not making you go to the lunch and learn, to work on your people skills or to work on leadership, but that is a thing that I can provide, and I do that through mentorship and it's like a missing link in the entrepreneurial journey right now.
[00:05:33] Samantha Mabe: Yeah, I totally agree. Because that is something we might have learned some of it in our corporate careers. The kids coming out of high school, you've got one, they have no idea what they are doing. But it makes such a difference.
[00:05:50] I was just talking to my husband the other day. We were talking about the doctor that we switched over to and how they are building their whole business. It's grown really quickly to three offices because like they make it a point to remember who you are and to look at their notes and to know who you are as a person instead of just get you in and out the door. And that makes a huge difference. And it was recommended to me. I recommended it to multiple people. They are really seeing like the profitability of that in their business because they're focusing on those relationships.
[00:06:25] Michelle Whyte: Absolutely. And client relationships are more than just the sale. You turned into a referral based on the raving relationship and the bedside manner you have with them. Feeling seen, feeling heard when you go in versus feeling like a number makes a huge difference.
[00:06:42] And so those little shifts that we make in our businesses of prioritizing the people can is really like the long-term strategy for sustaining your business success. It's not a one and done, it's a thing that you can do over and over again and repeat, but that's what we really want. You want your reputation plus your relationships to start generating revenue.
Navigating sticky situations in your business
[00:07:06] Samantha Mabe: Yeah, and today we're talking specifically about navigating sticky situations because I think most of us in business, we are relationship based, especially when we're one-on-one service providers. We know that we wanna be friendly and we want to connect with people, but it gets really hard when you are your CEO, you are doing everything, and then something comes out of nowhere and it feels like it just knocks you over and you have no idea how to approach it because nobody has taught you what to do. There's no rule book.
[00:07:39] Michelle Whyte: There's no rule book, but there is. And we just forget that we're already equipped with it. We have those manners in us. When we are in person, when we are one-on-one, you step out of the aisle and you see somebody come in with their grocery cart, like there are certain things that we do innately that we just forget in business.
[00:08:00] And so those same rules apply. It's just a unique approach and your unique spin when it comes to managing them in your business.
[00:08:10] We'd love for things to be set and forget it, and an approach that works for all things. That's not how people work. And so you've gotta be prepared and practice a process or a system or your signature way of dealing and approaching things.
[00:08:29] And until it happens, it's just not an area that we've prioritized for ourselves. And that's where I guess I'm looking to change that conversation.
Why challenging situations in business so hard to navigate
[00:08:39] Samantha Mabe: So why do you think if we've got some of these basics down in our everyday life, why are these challenges in business so much more overwhelming and we feel like we, we just don't know what to do?
[00:08:55] Michelle Whyte: I'd say that our businesses are a lot of time extensions of our personal lives, right? It's very personal to us, and so we have focused so much on our systems and our websites and making sure that we have that credibility and approachability, that people want to do business with us. People love us through our testimonials and bringing referral partners and all the good things.
[00:09:21] We aren't prepared when someone doesn't love us, right? How do you practice and prepare for that, right? So until it happens, you don't know what you don't know.
[00:09:31] Emotions get injured. At that point, you feel deeply wounded and affected by something that's just professional. And that's where entrepreneurship has to draw that line in you being able to take it professionally, not personally.
[00:09:49] Samantha Mabe: Yeah. So I personally am pretty hard to offend as a person. It just doesn't bother me. But I can see in business because it's so personal and it's such like a piece of you.
[00:10:03] If somebody were to say something about my child or they didn't like my child, who wouldn't like this little kid? Like he's the most beautiful child in the whole world. And I think a lot of people can relate is okay, you say something to me, it'll be fine. But like we want to protect those things that are so precious to us.
[00:10:23] Michelle Whyte: And there's, there is so much to protect in that. That's where as women entrepreneurs, that mama bear comes out, right? For everyone, parents in general, it's just you take it up with me, but you leave the kids out of it. Those are the rules, right?
Separating fact from feelings in dealing with challenging situations
[00:10:38] Michelle Whyte: But these aren't our children, right? So the big thing for me in helping people understand, like where we draw that line, we've gotta mentally separate the facts from the feelings. And that's really difficult to do.
[00:10:51] And again, you don't have to be good at it. You don't have to feel like you're good at it to learn to be better at it.
[00:10:59] And I think that's a key and a missing piece for us as entrepreneurs. We gravitate to what feels good to us, right? Market the way that feels aligned with you.
[00:11:09] This is where I gotta give a lot of tough love, right? It's just like you don't have to like it, but you do have to be able to be better at it to sustain the success that you're looking for
[00:11:21] Now, if you don't care, hey, fight everybody in the street. Whatever you wanna do, right? But it's not the most successful way to navigate people, and it's definitely probably not going to yield the results that you're looking for in terms of a resolution.
Stop panicking before addressing the challenge
[00:11:38] Samantha Mabe: If something comes up, so somebody says they don't like something about our business, or like a client comes to us, and it happens all the time where you get that feedback and you're just like, how could you not love this thing that I've created? How do we first stop from panicking when there's a challenge that we have to face?
[00:12:00] Michelle Whyte: Yes. Let me just start by saying this. If you feel all of those ways, it's normal, right? Dealing with the sticky situations, the difficult conversations, it's normal not to feel like it's your favorite thing to do. As people, we just naturally don't necessarily love confrontation.
[00:12:21] So this is where you've got to put your CEO pants on, right? And really work on those skills that you don't feel as equipped to deal with.
[00:12:31] But the point is, couple things, facts over feelings. I can't stress that enough. Take a moment to honor your feelings. That is one of the first things I do wanna work with clients. It's just yes, we're gonna get over it, right? But if we gotta cry about it and whine about it and vent about it first, let's get that out.
[00:12:51] Once we remove the feelings or your feelings from it, nine times outta 10, you're gonna be able to approach it with a little bit more perspective. You're not going to feel as emotionally injured or insulted. You're gonna be able to approach it from a different perspective. You're gonna be able to use a different lens and say, okay.
[00:13:13] It's like a self-audit. You have to look at feedback as a mini audit. It's free target market research. We may not love it. We may not even love the delivery or the communication, but doing the facts over feeling separation is what helps you remove that.
[00:13:32] The goal of any resolution to a sticky situation or difficult conversation is going to be to address the behavior and not the personality. And that's why it's so important to remove your feelings first, so that you're then able to go, okay, what really happened, or what's really happening, or what's mine to own in this situation?
[00:13:58] You're able to then start walking yourself back from the ledge versus just those knee jerk reactions to respond quickly. You really wanna take a moment to think about it and removing your emotions first or honoring yourself in your emotions is the best way to do that.
[00:14:15] Samantha Mabe: I love that advice.
[00:14:16] I think it's really helpful for people, especially because so many of us are online, like we don't have to have a response right away that we can take some time and I think. In a lot of those situations, it's just that the person worded it in a way that comes across as aggressive to us. It's not necessarily that they absolutely hate us and will never do business with us again, but we're so tied up in it and it's so emotional when it first comes into your inbox that it can be hard to separate yourself.
[00:14:48] Michelle Whyte: Yeah, and you don't plan to wake up that way, right? When you get in your inbox, it's not the thing you're expecting to see. And so it's perfectly normal and okay to take a step back.
[00:14:59] If you were in a face-to-face situation, what would you do? You typically remove yourself or say, I'm gonna take a minute before I respond, so I don't say something I don't mean. You think about the ways that we use it in personal relationships. Those same techniques can apply.
Your response will cement your business reputation
[00:15:16] Michelle Whyte: But with business, I'll say one thing that I think is maybe super important for everyone to hear, your response isn't for you. It's for your future clients, your future contractors, your future connections. They will see how you handle yourself. That cements your credibility. That helps you cement consistency in how you deal with sort of those nagging parts of business.
[00:15:42] When people ask for a refund, when they're not entitled to one, how you handle that consistently isn't for you. When other people see that written or when other people hear about it, that's what's really helping your brand reputation and your relationships grow. How you handle that isn't for you. So think about that when you are creating your approach to handling that.
How to craft a response to a challenging situation
[00:16:06] Samantha Mabe: So after we've taken a second, we've separated ourselves, we've removed the facts and the feelings, how do we actually approach this? Like how do we craft a response in these situations where we want to come to a resolution that feels good for us and them, and that our clients, our future clients, could possibly see?
[00:16:29] Michelle Whyte: Yeah, I think where I start everyone is a first question. Do you want to continue or mend the relationship? And that sometimes sets people back. They're like, what do you mean?
[00:16:41] Every response doesn't mean that you want to continue the relationship or that you want there to be something that moves forward. Sometimes we gotta put a period at the sentence. Other times it's gonna be a comma, a semicolon, something that we can continue, right? So it's important to ask yourself, do you want this relationship? Or is this a relationship that is beneficial or healthy for you personally or your business brand? That's really going to set the tone for how you approach it, right?
[00:17:12] So remove the facts from the feelings. Then ask yourself, is this a relationship we wanna continue?
[00:17:18] From there, you're gonna do a couple things. You're gonna remind yourself to be calm. Very important. To be mindful of how others can perceive your tone. Body language is a language, if it's in person or via video. The tone of your voice, the words that you choose are all a part of your image, which are all part of your reputation, right? So everything is interconnected. So you wanna be calm.
[00:17:43] You want to address the behavior and not the person. And what I mean by that is sometimes that's even applying benefit of the doubt even when it's not there. When someone hits like a back charge, it's just like maybe they were clicking a lot of buttons at one time. Maybe they weren't intentionally trying to take money from you that your contract says that they're not entitled to. You know what I mean? So maybe applying some benefit of the doubt can be really helpful with that as well.
[00:18:12] You definitely wanna stick to the facts in your approach. You want to make sure that you, once you've separated those feelings, is it yours to address? Their inconvenience sometimes isn't yours to own, but you can take a look at your practices to see if there are areas of improvement.
[00:18:32] Like I say, use it as feedback, right? You're able to see do I really lay out the scope of work? Is that a part of my sales call? Maybe I could have gone the extra mile in explaining.
[00:18:43] But you can absolutely apply your boundaries and still respond with grace and kindness, and it's totally okay to do that. Everything isn't the resolve that someone wants, so you've gotta be flexible and be willing to negotiate.
[00:19:00] But my last maybe two bits of advice are you have to have a solution in mind. Because you definitely don't wanna come to the table with a kitchen sink attitude. Whatever makes you happy. Nope, we're CEOs and we have boundaries and bottom lines to protect, right?
[00:19:19] So you want to have a solution in the back of your mind, but you wanna be willing to negotiate. You are in love with your business, you know how it's supposed to work. If that isn't someone's experience, then maybe offering a win-win can help you both. It's not all or nothing, but again, all of these things are helpful in creating that resolution.
[00:19:44] Removing the facts over the feelings, being calm, addressing just the facts, not the personality, right? Being flexible, offering a solution, but being willing to negotiate, having a plan B.
[00:19:59] It won't always turn out how you think, but it doesn't always have to turn out how you think. We go worst case scenario. But having that backup plan, having those solutions in mind really help you navigate and pivot in real time versus you being stuck in the agony of it replaying in your head.
[00:20:18] Samantha Mabe: Yeah. I think it's so helpful to start by asking the question of whether you want this relationship to continue.
[00:20:27] I have had people reach out to me and we've had a sales call, and then they'll come back with a lot of questions or they'll want me to change my contract. In the past I've actually sat and gone, you know what? If you have this many questions now, it's probably not going to be a good fit. And it's a whole lot easier to release them than to dive into a service and regret it later.
[00:20:51] And I think just figuring out: do I want to continue working with this person? And that's going to affect how you approach the resolution.
[00:21:02] Michelle Whyte: You see it in your own business, don't you? And it really is key because every fit and every opportunity isn't the right fit or the right opportunity or the right client for you.
[00:21:13] And so really starting to apply discernment to those decisions is really important for every one of us.
Your approach will be unique to you
[00:21:20] Samantha Mabe: Do you have any tips or things that you've seen work in specific situations that come up a lot for entrepreneurs that we might be able to apply in our own businesses?
[00:21:32] Michelle Whyte: Yeah. I would say each approach has to be unique. It really does. As service providers, we encounter so many different things that are specialty to our industry.
[00:21:44] But the tips that I've shared, again about removing the facts from the feelings, the being calm. Those are techniques every entrepreneur can use, right? Those are techniques that no matter what your industry is, and typically no matter what the situation is, if you're applying consideration, honesty, and respect, chances are you're gonna be able to navigate that in a way that your brand can be proud of.
[00:22:10] And that's what I want to empower entrepreneurs to be able to do, right? I think that's what's key to whatever pops up, because sometimes it'll be client, but what happens when a collaboration is going awry? You wanna be able to apply those same techniques, consideration, honesty, and respect, and that's going to set the tone and provide you a process to be able to repeat with consistency, right?
Composing your response
[00:22:37] Samantha Mabe: So as somebody has figured out what they want their ideal resolution to be, and they've taken some time, how do you recommend responding to these situations? Is email usually the best? How do we compose a good response to somebody who has brought us a sticky situation?
[00:22:58] Michelle Whyte: I definitely encourage everyone to keep it private, number one. If there is a social situation going on one of those platforms, take it offline, right? I always say that email is for who, what, and when. But if you get into how, it's a phone call. And I know that we are shifting away from that one-on-one, but I definitely say start by making the offer.
[00:23:24] You wanna start by getting somebody on Zoom or on the phone or something where it lessens the opportunity for miscommunication. Words, tone, word choices, all of those things tend to be misconstrued, especially when emotions are running high. So you wanna do your best to address privately and promptly.
[00:23:46] So you wanna at least make the offer to say, Hey, why don't we hop on a 10 minute call to discuss? When you gathered your thoughts and thought about maybe those potential solutions, that's when you make that offer to go above and beyond and get that face-to-face time versus just quickly responding to email.
[00:24:03] Now, if it's their preference, then you wanna, honor their preference. But if you can, you want to smooth things over. Sometimes things are a little different when we're face to face versus behind a keyboard. And I think we all can resonate with that in, in these virtual spaces, right? Digital manners sometimes go out of the window. But we wanna do our best as CEOs to remain in the driver's seat.
[00:24:24] Samantha Mabe: I think most of us prefer to avoid a call, especially in those situations, but I think you're right in that if we're doing it over email, it's really easy to misconstrue what somebody is saying, and it that there's just a delay. There's the back and forth that you are not going to get to see them, to see their responses. And it's gonna take a whole lot longer to get to a resolution because everybody's having to take time every second to compose responses.
[00:24:57] But I think that's also where it can be really important to stay calm and be in a space where you can get on a call and not either freak out at the person or feel like you just have to give up everything because you just want to make them happy.
[00:25:15] Michelle Whyte: Exactly. It's an art and it is a skill that can be finessed. But it is something that we can also work at.
[00:25:21] You don't have to give away your whole business to make someone happy. Like I said, there are boundaries in place, but getting that face to face time, or at least that voice to voice sometimes helps to convey your compassion and your concern versus your words.
[00:25:39] When we get into periods, it's just ones and zeros. There are a lot of assumptions that come into play. And so I think it really sets you apart and makes you memorable, especially as we get into these more digital communications and ways of customer service, to offer your time, especially when it's involving a sticky situation or a difficult conversation that needs to be had. I think it sets you apart.
[00:26:03] Samantha Mabe: Yeah, and I think that is going back to how do you want the relationship to move forward? If you really want to have a good resolution and keep working together, you have to have a face-to-face conversation, just like you would with a spouse or a friend. Like you've gotta sit down and talk it through.
[00:26:23] And if you've decided that you don't think that it needs to move forward, maybe that's when an email can work. You still want to be polite and compassionate, but you're not as worried about, okay, let's talk this out and figure out a way forward together.
[00:26:36] Michelle Whyte: At the end of the day, you want it to end amicably, whether we're continuing the relationship or this is the final out right? It still doesn't have to end badly.
Don't make assumptions about someone else
[00:26:49] Michelle Whyte: If we can't come to a resolve, then I at least know what I offered you based on my brand values. This is what I would do with anyone because again, I'm addressing the behavior and not the person, and that's the distinction that we have to make.
[00:27:05] So if it's based on our contract, maybe I offer you added value versus the refund because I am going to say that my, my business boundaries I refer to that contract. And so when we have the agreement in place, how do we create a new agreement?
[00:27:21] So again, not assuming that you wanna go badmouth me to the entire internet because you didn't get your way. It's a lot of assumptions that aren't ours to make.
[00:27:31] And so that communicating, we just want to end on a positive or amicable note, even if the relationship isn't gonna continue.
[00:27:40] Samantha Mabe: Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. And I think as we work with people in different industries, they're also going to have a different approach to maybe how they word their questions in their emails.
[00:27:52] And so if we can stop ourselves from making those assumptions and just recognize like maybe they're just pretty short in their emails because they don't feel the need to write long paragraphs of, I'm so sorry. You're an amazing person, but.
[00:28:08] And I think in an online space, we've gotten used to treating each other a certain way. But as more and more people are getting into this space and as we are moving outside of it, we have got to recognize that not everybody's gonna operate the way that we do.
[00:28:25] Michelle Whyte: I always say two plus two is four, and so is five minus one. So there's more than one way to achieve the same result, and that's where our flexibility comes into play.
[00:28:37] But we also have the opportunity to set the tone for what it means to interact and engage in these more online spaces.
[00:28:46] In person, we have this code of conduct, right? We know how to interact and behave. With one another, we have this unique position right now as CEOs to set a new tone on what it means to be approachable in online spaces.
[00:29:03] But I think those same principles apply. What we do in-person spaces can still apply online. They just might take a little more finessing in how we do it, but we absolutely can have those same sort of guidelines and respect to each other, regardless of industry or disagreement.
Connect with Michelle
[00:29:23] Samantha Mabe: Awesome. Thank you so much for coming on and talking about this.
[00:29:27] I would love for people to connect with you. So where is the best place for them to find you and learn more about what you do and learn more about etiquette four entrepreneurs?
[00:29:39] Michelle Whyte: Absolutely. Always. First and foremost, you can reach me at michelleawhite.com/connect and that's where whenever we wanna continue the conversation from a podcast, that's where I send people. I am always available to nerd out over on Instagram at themichelleawhyte.
[00:29:57] Etiquette for Entrepreneurs is my free weekly email series that helps elevate relationships without feeling fake or phony. So if that aligns with you and you want to continue the conversation and the work to be done for entrepreneurs, especially in these online spaces, those are all the ways and I'm always happy to make a friend.
[00:30:16] Samantha Mabe: Awesome. Thank you so much for coming on the show today.
[00:30:19] Michelle Whyte: I appreciate it, Samantha. Thanks so much.
